Monday, April 30, 2007

Transitions

I am working on this, some hours before I fly to cebu as a novice. Really, I am uncertain about the life there. For one, Canlubang has been a veritable comfort zone for me due to various reasons. The place is defined by an atmosphere that brings “home” to my senses. Another would be the companions. When I returned to the seminary in Canlubang, I made a calculated risk, so to speak. Two things governed me in coming up with such a decision: I made sure that I knew who would be my companions, and I have to like them. The batch of prenovices that year happened to be the batch i admired the most (of course, next to my current batch that time!) when i was a prenovice myself a couple of years ago.

Cebu is different. The place is far. And I don’t even know whether my mom gets to visit me there like what she used to do when I was still in Canlubang. The formators are all foreign to me. One thing that consoles me is that I have Migs and Bonnie with me, they are my classmates who have been with me for the past several months. Although, of course, it would have been comforting had Aduanne, Gon and Jesvir, would accompany us.

For us prenovices and aspirants, novitiate is a big thing. It’s a major leap in our journey of formation. And despite my last efforts to convince some people to stay put, it was to no avail. Discernment is a two way process, I realized. One will not move forward if the other end isn’t cooperative.

I am in a transition. I end this day with a transition of leaving a place that will lead me to another. Tomorrow morning, I will wake to a new environment miles away from home, surrounded by different people, language and culture.

Later, I will see myself leaving papa, mama and dixie. I don’t want to cry. But at this very moment, I want to relish the experience of grief. I will lose them, and I know that nothing will console me, save for the beautiful moments I have with them.

Along with my family, I grieve over my friends whom I will not be seeing for a long time. I grieve over endeavors current and future, I will not be able to pursue. I grive over many dreams that need to be murdered just so I can stand by the yes I silently promised to Him when I decided to take up this life. I grieve over relationships I need to set aside, some permanently, just so I can live up to the expectations of the people in and out of my community and of the Supreme Being, I hope to ultimately serve all my life long.

Hopefully, for His greater glory...