Join me as I continue glancing back at the remaining months of 2008.
Seeing familiar faces in Canlubang reinvigorated me. It’s nice to be back home.
I am a full time student once more. And I savor every challenging moment of being one. Looking back into that month, I realized that I had to cut down in my blogging spree in order to give more time for myself for studies.
Thankfully, no teaching load was offered to me, as I feared it. The decision to not teach became so much easier.
I did great, I think, in making a façade; in weaving tales and in talking about stuff that don’t concern me at all. With things shoving me into instability, I turned to my comfort zone: reclusion.
I started to find myself once more and redefine meaningful relationships I thought I could rely on just in case things don’t turn out well.
But it is imminent to go deep into questioning the greater scheme of things and look for a spot that I would feel security.
Things happened so fast that without my knowing it, I instantly missed my life as a novice.
Ah! The sheer simplicity of life, and the ideals of the congregation viewed from the eyes of someone who was just a greenhorn.
I started to accept things, hook line and sinker and told myself to find necessary distractions in order to keep my sanity intact. For the first time after several years, I was letting again confusion and anxiety get the better of me.
It made me feel sick.
“When we made our vows, we put certain parameters in our life. We belong to God.” So said Fr. Eli in his talk when we had our community recollection this month.
It was a pretty nice sound bite. And Mark Twain was right when said that the concept of a sound bite is "a minimum of sound to a maximum of sense.”
Little did I know that this sentence would define the bottom half of the year 2008.
Ode to October
The term break gave me a much needed reinvigoration. I swear, it helped me put my otherwise disarrayed life in order. I was able to bounce back, so to say.
But the spiraling downward mode of my existence was helped arrested by good deeds of certain individuals who would concretely demonstrate to me the genuine value of charity.
They have become an apt extension of God’s mighty hands.
The only person I call “brother,” who is related to me by blood, left the country. I couldn’t hide it. I’m affected. But I know that deep inside me, I could only be happy for him. Stepping out of one’s comfort zone is one strong indication of maturity.
On the apostolate side, I have developed a liking in going to the barrios on Sundays. And I cannot but appreciate and admire individuals who have taken the role of lay missionaries in evangelizing the people of the barrios.
This made me thinking. For a religious like me, I find it arduous to prepare for my catechism lessons, make my class interesting, and whatnot. But I told myself, almost ragingly, “this is my life!” And this lay persons before me has chosen a life far different from mine. They have their own families to take care of, and other some ‘secular’ affairs to attend to. But despite these, they still manage to squeeze in their time the ministry of bringing Christ to the people.
What made me feel relaxed about wrapping up the year was the fact that we were able to bring the SignBearer to the press. I know, I’m just too shallow. But it’s one great concern I have on my shoulder for the past six months. And accomplishing it with a limited number of resources, and especially time, is really such a feat.
Thank you, Lord. Yours alone is the glory.