alone and lonely

game time yesterday.

i was at the football field watching my other companions as they stretched their muscles in preparing for our football match. i was done with my stretching rituals since i arrived earlier from the rest. seeing each one of them happily conversing with one another as they flex their limbs has produced in me a rather strange sensation.

i felt extreme loneliness.

i don’t do well in playing football. but i am sure that it did not push me to feel desolate. for the past days now, i’m painstakingly listening to myself, to feel the movements that are going through inside me, to get in touch with my glories and miseries, to search for myself.

i know the reason why.

for the past days now, i have been searching for familiar faces and the old company of people whom i was with a couple of years back. i sorely miss my former batch mates. it may be ironic that only a couple of days ago when i wrote an entry here about how i appreciate my present batch mates. nothing has changed. they are special to me; they are angels to me.

but i gravely miss my former companions who would always be prepared with comforting words and even harsh remarks when i would approach them and seek for their shoulders. at present, i feel so alone. and very lonely.

kerwin, in his birthday speech last night, has noted that the most exciting part of the seminary life are not the activities that have the loudest but those that are done in silence.

i can never agree with him more. let be the soothing (though, disturbing at times!) sound of silence be my temporary refuge.