Tuesday, July 24, 2007

a lookback to the junior sems

another repost...

Saturday meditation is done by groups. For the past month, it was by pairs (or by triads depending on the number of the batch!) but this morning, it was by the entire batch.

We’re 13 in the batch—the most number of all the fourth batches! Hence, I already foresaw that not everyone will have his share to speak. But, just the same, I was looking forward to it. This would be the first time I would be doing it with my batch.

After reading the gospel for tomorrow (the purpose of which is for us to reflect on the Sunday gospel), we were all struck by the only question which was read: how is your vocation? It has been a tradition that the questions (usually, minimum of three) are based on the gospel. But the mediation question this morning did not satisfy these two criteria.

I think I was the third person who shared. And only now that I am starting to realize that I did not actually answer the question for I referred back to my wanting to be a Jesuit some years back. I knew the reason why. Someone in the group was considering transferring to the diocesan seminary. I was hoping that my sharing of my experience—especially of my appreciation of the aspects of our formation—would encourage him not to consider it.

Anyway, of the sharing that I heard this morning, the most poignant is the one of ****’.
He told us that he is enjoying his stay here despite the many difficulties. Doing the laundry is always at the top of his concern. However, what agonizes him are not the physical problems, but the battle that is happening within.

I remember that I also ventured in bouts when I was a little younger. I fought against the bullies in school, the mischievous rascals in our neighborhood and even against my very own brother. It felt good when I emerged victorious after the “fights” despite my worrying that I have an “enemy.”

But it’s not pleasant to feel my heart and realize that a bloody battle is happening there. At times, it paralyzes me. It makes me feel I’m imprisoned. And it reminds me that I need to do more effort to allow peace to prevail.